Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
