I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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