The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
