So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
