no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You need Xanax blowdarts
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
