I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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