im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Pooping to opera.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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