remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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