I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
