It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
