im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
