Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
