i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
