we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
