HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
