things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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