Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
