My room smells like vodka and shame
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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