Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
