my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
NoShamevember. You game?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
