Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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