2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
