The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
