so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
