and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Drunk is not a location!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
