I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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