OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
