My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
