It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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