It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
