I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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