I am spending my child support on dildos
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
