i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
porn star boner night. come get it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
