drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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