dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
