I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
