I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
