I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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