Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
