Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
