just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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