3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
should my penis look like a turkey
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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