Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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