Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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