Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
