We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
