I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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