why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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