we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
