So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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